Ask most adults, and they’ll tell you—middle school was HARD. As a middle school teacher AND parent, I can confirm it. Not only are kids going through major physiological changes, but they’re also thrust into a completely new environment with different rules, structures, and expectations.
Like all parents, we want our children to have a better experience than we did. So how can we improve their chances of getting through middle school with their sanity?
Teach Them HOW to Plan
Handing a 12-year-old a planner and expecting them to stay on top of their work is like giving a hungry toddler a cookbook—it won’t work unless you teach them how to use it. Show them how to break down assignments into manageable tasks, set deadlines, and check in on their progress. Digital planners or apps like Structure can be helpful tools for visualizing their schedules and responsibilities.
Get Them in Bed EARLY
The amount of physical and cognitive development that preteens and teens undergo is similar to that of toddlers, meaning their bodies and brains need lots of sleep. According to the CDC, middle schoolers need 9–12 hours of sleep per night, yet many aren’t getting enough. Help them practice good sleep hygiene by:
🕰️ Establishing a consistent bedtime
📵 Keeping screens out of the bedroom
📖 Encouraging relaxation techniques like reading before bed
Limit Screen Time
Tweens and teens are even more susceptible to the effects of blue light and excessive screen time. Studies show that blue light exposure before bed can delay melatonin production, making it harder for kids to fall asleep. Since impulse control is still developing at this age, it’s important to set clear limits on screen use. Consider using built-in parental controls like Screen Time (iPhone) or Family Link (Android) to help manage usage.
Help Them Manage Their Time
Timers still work—just like when they were three! Setting alarms on their phone, tablet, or smart devices like Alexa can help them stay on track without feeling like a parent is constantly reminding them. Since middle schoolers are still figuring out the concept of time, they often overestimate or underestimate how long things take. A good strategy is to:
⏳ Use a time-blocking app (like Structure)
⏰ Break down their evening into chunks, balancing downtime and responsibilities
🏆 Sync their reminders to a smartwatch for easy access
Support Authentic Friendships
As DJ Jazzy Jeff said, “Parents just don’t understand.” Healthy friendships make a world of difference during middle school, so encourage open conversations about what a good friend looks like. Support their social development by:
👫 Helping them schedule in-person time with friends
🎭 Encouraging group activities that foster teamwork and communication
🚫 Teaching them to recognize and avoid toxic friendships
Encourage Them to Ask for Help
Admitting when you need help—and then asking for it—is hard for adults. Imagine being a middle schooler desperate to prove they’re a “big kid” who doesn’t need assistance. Foster this skill by:
🏡 Modeling help-seeking behavior: “The sink is leaking, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m going to ask Aunt Jane for advice.”
📝 Giving them the words to ask for help: Encourage them to write a quick email to their teacher when they’re unsure about an assignment.
🎯 Building their confidence with independence: Middle schoolers want to be self-sufficient. Assign them tasks they can handle, broken into manageable steps. Instead of nagging them to wake up in the morning, let them take ownership by setting their own alarm clock.
At the end of the day, parenting is just marketing—and giving your middle schooler the tools to succeed while making them feel empowered is the best campaign you can run!
